« December 2006 | Main

return with your portable camera, or carried upon it

Hello internet! I am back and I have missed you! Have you missed me?

I still haven't begun uploading the several hundred pictures of Belize, but in the meantime here's a few snapshots of things which make me happy just so I'm not devoting all my thought energy to obsessing about how my thighs are too fat and my house too messy.

The cat is affectionate. Also, heavy.

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But at least he makes me look like an industrious and dynamic member of the household.

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You can't imagine how thrilled I was at discovering aparrel-with-ears which I could get away with wearing and still be respected by other adults. (Woolen cat slippers, courtesy of Office)

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Painted toenails. One of my earliest successes and deepest joys in experiments with eye-hand co-ordination. (Also, as you may or may not be able to see from these here photographs, let the mangling still healing on my toes be a lesson to you in NOT riding bycicles barefoot, regardless of the fact that everyone in Belize is doing it).

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As a Cancerian, I feel quite badly placed to fight my packrat tendencies, so I'm ever so pleased to discover that I can indeed make something useful with the things I've collected. It makes me feel smug. And I enjoy feeling smug almost as much as I enjoy reality television. And cake.

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the land I will from now until forever associate with love. Also mud. And birdwatchers.

Ok, I am severely lagged of jet, and likely to spend the next few days communicating in grunts and gestures, but the only thing I can say is - if you haven't yet been to Belize  and you have the means to do so, you should definately go. (Carbon emissions be damned. Although, considering the Extreme Turbulence on the way home over the ocean full of sharks I did for a while there swear I would never fly again).

It was very very beautiful. Pictures forthcoming to prove it.

(Though if you do go, you may want to always make sure to carry your own supply of toilet paper with you. I'm just saying.)

goodbye my car. goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the one for me

From the moment that Z and I began our romance I knew that one day the moment would come to let go of the car. A moment that regardless of preparation I have been dreading.

He'd been driving the metallic blue brute for as long as I've known him, and we'd developed something of a sentimental relationship the car and I. Although somewhat looked down on in the social hierarchies of England, the Ford Mondeo has nonetheless served us well indeed and I have many happy memories attached to it.

It was in this car that I and the man I'd end up marrying shared our first kiss (in the parking lot of Sainsbury's no less, oh erotica); it was with this car that we travelled around England (including one memorable trek from Bristol to London and then all the way back to Bristol again because we'd realised we'd forgotten house keys there). It was this car which was our tool of migration from and into four different habitats; it faithfully lugged shoes and books and building materials; it put up with our piques of negligence, and consumed petrol frugally. It was in this car that we drove to our wedding (running low on petrol, the roof splattered with pigeon shit).

Regardless of dents and scrapes and that incident with the bumper I have loved the car with undiminished devotion. I have washed its windows, polished its outer shell, petted it fondly on the glove compartment. I have showered it with affection and discarded sweet wrappers.

But now it's time to let it go. We've switched off its life support, declined to renew its roadtax, or invest into the minor repairs it would take to pass its MOT. And the glorious creature that I have loved dearly now awaits an uncertain future on ebay.

Fare thee well blue thunder, fare thee well. Roar for me sometimes, in your long sleep.

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tis the season to be frugal

Well, it's been an exciting festivity-filled couple of weeks and it's still going strong as we prepare our collective digestive systems for a sprint to the finish as represented by Orthodox Xmas (otherwise known as any excuse for a party, obvi).

Which brings me to reminiscing about how Christmas in the UK is very different to the Christmas in the Old Country of Z's and mine childhood (where we walked barefoot through snow and did our homework by light of candles blah blah blah). For one thing, seeing how we grew up in the Communist/Socialist era Christmas was not officially celebrated; but because children need presents like masses need opiation of some kind or another Santa was remodelled as a slavic wintersmith Grandfather Frost and the Christmas holiday fused with New Year's Eve.

The New Years of my childood were exciting times, what with all the food and decoration and accidental drunkeness through pilfering the rum layer of the rum cake while the parents were distracted. One of the earliest memories I have is of waking up to a tree strung with colours and glowing things, of being lifted high in my father's arms to reach out my hands to a star. I remember too the days leading up to New Year, when the sturdiest member of my family (aka my father, until he died) would haul a tree home from the market and the most controlling member of my family (aka, my grandmother) would climb a shaky ladder in order to get down the tree ornaments (a mix of the cheap and the antique) and oversee their placement.

The tree decoration was a thing in equal measures perilous and wonderful. It began with a pointy star to crown it, then the electric lights, then the glass ornaments (those smash-happy lovlelies, at least two of which would annually plummet to the floor with the dizzying abandon of bunjee jumpers), then tinsel, then threads of silver ribbon to cascade down branches and finally the small candles in their holders (which we'd light, because nothing says 'festive' like Firehazard Deathtrap*).

It certainly was one of the most exciting times of the year though. By evening time we would be dressed in our best clothes, and the table decked out with proper tablecloth and the good china, groaning beneath the weight of food on offer (except for that one year when the dog stole the roast chicken right off the table and we ate tinned tuna and toast instead). the dog and I would be in a barely contained frenzy of excitement, strung out like emo kids at a concert (although I still managed to draw the line at barking at fireworkds and humping the Grandfather Frost doll beneath the tree). And then after the disappearance of my father on some flimsy pretext/the uncanny appearance of Grandfather frost bearing The Most Exciting Red Sack In The World, I would be in a fever and a swoon at the brightly-wrapped parcels being dropped into my hot little paws, and I'd feel like I was honoured and blessed, receiving something sacred and sublime.

I remember the presents vividly (especially the pink bathtub for my Barbie, with openable little taps which produced proper foam) but there were never heaps of gifts (except for the year my father died, which only made it sadder). The Old Country was poor, its shops had limited fare (although I had pretty low expectations of toys, and pretty much anything would be The Best Thing Ever) and getting gifts at all felt incredible.

The spirit of the Old Country was in many ways unsullied, and though we still longed and desired, the objects of our yearnings (coloured pencils, stickers, coloured napkins) were laughably simple when I compare them to the West.

This is one of the things which has always bothered me about New Country - the blatant consumerism which pervades it, especially throughout December. All that glitz (the one time of year I object to glitz!) all the adverts, all the BUy Buy Buy!!! Buy More!!1!! from every channel and page and corner branding itself into the Collective Cornea until the bathing of the brain occurs. The whole process is creepy for me - the sensual overstimulation, the excess, the undertones of love and worth and happiness being bought.

Z and I try to consciously steer away from it all. We have put a two-gift limit on what we get each other (because my household will never dispense with present-giving entirely as long as I have breath to whisper Oh! the shiney...) and unless we are solvent there's a £30 money limit as well. We shell out on one gift per person for family members we're going to be seeing, and have agreements with friends to invest the present money into buying food/drink to celebrate together instead.

I'm pretty sure that if I reproduce I will be even more stringent in my views and that a strict 'only one present may be given from anyone to the child' will be announced and enforced rigidly. Children don't need a sea of gifts, unless they are deprived children living in poverty, in which case bring on the giving. (Of course some would argue that adults don't need vast numbers of shoes either, but this is clearly just short-sighted, vile and inaccurate propaganda by Oppressors and Shoe Haters). I foresee there may be some difficulty in making my family see eye to eye with me on this one, considering there have been factions who've been waiting grandchildren ever since I got my first period. Confiscation may become necessary. And Stern Looks.

On the bright side as my children bang together the twigs and plastic cups they may well receive in lieu of actual presents, they can comfort themselves that when they turn 18 they can be just as capitalistic as they fancy; and I'm sure that my mother will find a measure of relief in seeing that it's not just her I oppose, but also The World.

* great name for a band though

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